Well, here we are at the eve of a monumental moment in my life. It was my intention a year ago to write about the exploration of so many new things that I thought I was going to ponder.
That clearly didn’t happen.
This past year has been great for me personally. Yoga three/four times a week, has helped me process a lot of what I couldn’t write or say. In terms of the bigger global picture, this past year has been totally sad and ridiculous. Seeing that baby washed up on the shore just broke me to pieces. It reminded me of the photo of the baby with the vulture standing by. This past year has been rife with some of the most hateful people in the spotlight. And to top it off, President Obama will be leaving office (insert sad face).
Some may say, “Well, just focus on yourself.” The truth of the matter is, it’s hard for me to do that. It’s hard for me to just focus on myself when there are people in the world who are hungry, homeless, and in need of some type of care that they either can’t afford, or that just isn’t available to them. It’s hard for me to just focus on myself when there are children who are being mistreated for no fault of their own. It’s hard for me to just focus on myself when there are people in the world who are innocent, yet are pushed from their homelands because of the greed of a few.
This year has taken so many icons of my youth that it’s difficult to have a totally happy disposition for the year in general. Prince pretty much defined my teenage years. Purple Rain came out when I was 18. I danced to David Bowie as a youngster. Muhammed Ali was always a part of my existence. Maurice White and Earth Wind & Fire always played on our local radio station.
As I had shared in a prior post, so many sad events made me just shut down and look within for answers. I wasn’t searching for answers to solve global problems, I was searching for answers to explain why these horrific things were happening, when we are supposedly in an age where things are SUPPOSED to be improving.
The question I pondered was, “How can I not become like these people who are so mean and nasty. How can I avoid being one of these people who says one thing and does another?” Am I talking about being perfect? No. Absolutely not. I’m talking about how I can avoid bringing more hatred and misery in the world by my daily actions.
One thing I can do, to conduct a periodic self-check, is to concentrate on the many things I have learned over the course of my life thus far, and apply them.
And what exactly have I learned?
Whelp, I’ve learned that for the first ten years of my life, I was just getting used to being on this earth. I was a kid and didn’t know anything but Andy Panda, Bugs Bunny, Mickey Mouse, The Flintstones, and School House Rock.
The second ten years of my life, I was trying to adjust to the changes within my body. I discovered boys, the sting of love, wondered why adults were so miserable, and just wanted to be FREE to roam the earth, live in The Village, sip wine, contemplate the deeper meaning of life and write poetry.
The third ten years of my life, I thought I knew more than I actually did. I thought I knew what I wanted, and called myself putting my life on a schedule to achieve these things.
The fourth ten years of my life, I knew exactly what I wanted and didn’t want, however, I also came to the realization that, I wasn’t willing to make the sacrifice for some of the things that I THOUGHT I wanted.
I’m at the start of the fifth ten years of my life and I am really excited. For some reason, I feel as though I am starting all over again, but this time with answers to questions that plagued me as a young adult.
Fifty is not what it was years ago. I’m not saying this because I am, but because of what I expected fifty to be, isn’t happening. I thought I would be exploring retirement. No. I’m actually thinking about going back to school and switching careers.
Despite the crappy condition of our world, personally I feel very optimistic about my future.
Will there be sadness? Yup. Can’t have life without it.
Will there be pain? Yup. But suffering from it, is an option.
Will there be disappointment. Yup. If I don’t listen to my intuition and utilize what I’ve learned, wisely.
Will there be moments of uncertainty? Yup. But, that is what God is for.
I’ve learned that we all have purpose and that there are definitely three types of people with purpose, in the world – those who bring good, those who bring destruction, and those who stand for, and do absolutely nothing. The choice as to which one you become, is yours.
I’ve learned that saying that you love someone, isn’t a casual gesture. It has to be followed up with proof.
I’ve learned that family is not defined blood. True friends are not friends at all, but actually your family of choice.
I’ve learned that forgiveness is a sacred act and doesn’t have to be afforded to all who have hurt or betrayed you. For some people, saying “Fuck you,” and walking away is sufficient.
I’ve learned that as much as you may want to, you can’t trust all people. Some people will stare into your face and lie TO you AND lie ON you.
I’ve learned that no one loves you more than God/Your Hight Self. Your parents are a close second.
I’ve learned that there are people in this world who do mean you harm. They eventually show you. You just have to believe them.
I’ve learned that losing a parent changes you and can cause you to feel as vulnerable as a child.
I’ve learned that if there is something that you don’t like about your life, you can change it. You just have to be willing to get up off the comfort zone couch, and do it.
I’ve learned that sometimes, three year-old children have better insight to life than thirty year-olds.
I’ve learned that a five year-old, can sometimes see more good in you, than you can see in yourself.
I’ve learned that romantic love really isn’t supposed to hurt your heart. If it does, it’s not love. Trust me on this.
I’ve learned that leaving a relationship can sometimes save your life.
I’ve learned that sometimes people hurt your feelings, because they too have been hurt.
I’ve learned that it’s always smart to truly embrace self evaluation, and love yourself enough, to want to improve at any age.
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